Man’s Rights and Woman’s Limits
In almost every society generally and in our society particularly women have to struggle for their acceptance and survival whereas Men being more powerful than women determine the dynamics of society and social trends on one hand whereas on other hand is being focused of attraction for controlling the resources as well as influencing other’s lives.
This facilitated me to analyze the whole scenario keeping in view our cultural s norms. I am not gender bias but it is the demand of time to be mature and accept some bitter realities of our society. How do men behave depends on how they have been brought up. Mother plays a key role in the upbringing of children, whereas boys are more influenced and attached with mothers and girls are with their fathers. So it is a woman who shares major responsibility for how does man behave in domestic life as well as in professional life. Our society is a bit strange we present what we are not; we talk about one side of the story but never be open enough to analyze the whole scenarios critically. We have goals in life to achieve but being happy and self-contentedness never seem to be our prime objectives. Greed and Un-thankfulness are the two root causes of most of the prevailing social crises whereas we, women, are generally more prone towards it; want to remain in dictating position and center of prime attention.
The key blame against men of Eastern Society is they can be violent…I do acknowledge that it can be true in most of the instances. Here we talk about consequence; most of us even do not acknowledge that there can be some underlying reasons. The prime shortcomings of our society is, most of us are inadequately trained to share, whether it is the matter of power, responsibilities or credit, give others their due space and rights while respecting the privacy. In most of the homes, men bear the responsibility to feed the family including mother and siblings and pay the cost towards their living. The majority of ladies specially those who do not do job never realize how difficult it is to earn Rizq-e-Halal, pure dutiful money these days. They expect that most of their demands for shopping and carrying high social standard of life should be fulfilled otherwise they blame men for low income while giving them the examples of other the in their circle who are making better amount of money, without realizing it hurts the men as criticizing about their income has always been an emotionally sensitive issue for them. We can see wounds on women s body when men hit them but we fail to sense the hurting sentences that most of us speak to our fellow gents. The cost of life here is so expensive that men have to work for long hours leaving no space for any type of recreational activity. They are supposed to pay a significant amount of money to prepare dowry for their daughters and sisters; interestingly most of the male members of the Families do not much bother about dowry they are receiving in the marriage whereas its the ladies in their family who place demands for dowry and we all ladies discuss the luggage accompanying the bride and her face and taste. In most of the cases, in marriages female members of the groom who are involved in the selection of his bride and approve the girl who seems to be adjustable with them rather than looking for the one who can complement with the groom and keep him happy. No wonder very few couples are truly happily married whereas in most of the cases marriages survive in silent compromise to keep others happy while heightening the frustration in couples over the period of time. In a case of love marriage, reality appears once the fantasy of love is over. We always find it difficult to share our brothers, sons husbands time and attention with others, start feeling insecurer merely because the ties within most of the families are need-based and hence lack the emotional involvement that s needed to feel secured in relations and relationship The outcome is tassel among ladies associated with men is different capacity to control them, mainly by emotional manipulation to feel protected particularly when the concerned individuals are financially dependent as well that build immense emotional pressure on men, whereas in these tug of war their well-being attains secondary priority or never exists. Good Education and upbringing not only confers qualifications but also help to develop independent thinking while building self-opinion and confidence but unfortunately due poor rate of literacy and its poor quality, for most of us hearing is believing, men are wrongly blamed, defamed, exploited for their weaknesses and humiliated for their shortcomings and outcome is burst of anger at time on unrelated persons, often reflected as violence as mostly man could not learn how to handle their anger whereas by nature they focus on using the authority and power even at times it goes against their favor. We are funded to work for violence on women; we can see many seminars, workshops and other activities going on all the time to address the issue while presenting the women at the suffering end. Since for continuation of funding, it is extremely crucial to keep portraying men as a devil figure, hence the whole picture of distorted relations in society as reflected by domestic violence has never been analyzed critically to reveal the ground realities. There are no guidelines to decide women s limits and men s rights. Women usually do not consider it objectionable to intrude husbands professional personal and private matters e.g. reading the e-mail, messages, listening to the telephone calls etc and share them with all. Some of the women to get exclusive attention from their husbands at times do torture them by hurting their sense of possession, do not mind to catch the attention from other gents, a very common strategy prevailing in this part of world in all the classes of society. Whereas on other hand, most of ladies find it difficult to allow their husbands to maintain the same relations with their families particularly mother and sisters as they used to have before their marriage. Vice versa is also true in certain cases but in every situation the men bear the consequences of crises in relations among women of concerned families and outcome is domestic unrest. Even the image of father s family is deformed by some of the mothers or vice versa; no wonder our new generation is confused as well as scared when it comes to making relations or going into relationship; lack the experience of investing in relations. We, the women refer Islamic obligation towards our husbands to be treated with the best but we forget our limits when it comes to practice the right of men to have more than one wife at a time while keeping justice among all or obey to him even when we are very not much happy with his decision. No wonder many gents are having one wife, several girl friends while cheating them all or living with the wife but their center of focus in life is someone else. In either cases, they are unhappy un self-contended and can not keep others happy.In our society having more than one wife is MORE objectionable than having several girlfriends and we claim ourselves PROUD Muslims while talking about our girlfriends.
Mental health is index of status of domestic affairs. No wonder recently large population of gents who otherwise have very healthy mental status end up into situations where they need help from mental health experts, later on suffer from different type of mental illness merely for having disturbed personal life and there is no escape to it. It is a very difficult situation that we lack world class trained genius experts whereas some of the psychologists, psychiatrists and health practitioners do not respect the privacy of their patients and disclose the family history and their findings to all whereas they are ethically and legally bound to keep family history and their findings confidential. So the individuals who initially need help end up into being publicized as challenged person and hence further exploited and humiliated for having some sort of mental shortcoming by others often to serve their purpose or to hide their wrong doings. If we want to be well treated we need to learn to stay within our limits, treat Gents well, respects man s rights while giving them personal space and respecting their privacy. Our tendency to control others to feel protected can breach our relations and can spoil several lives associated with us. Keeping in view our social practices and our cultural norms to hide the filth and not to be open to discuss issues related to domestic affair, it is utmost need of time to bring bill for providing protection to men s rights on table to ensure their well-being that’s how enable them to treat women well and respect them. Otherwise, we all will doom into disaster by keeping blaming each other without addressing the root causes leading to conflicts among us and is reflected as turmoil in our society.
The writer is associated with the Profession of Teaching and Research with having inclination towards exploring the Features of Nature while enjoying Food with Families and Friends. She is Assistant Professor at Department of Food Science and Technology in University of Karachi, Pakistan.