Jealousy and its Consequences
Jealousy is a response when people are not self-contended whereas they also believe what is missing in their life is because of others. Usually, people who are emotionally insecure are compared by others specially in public with their fellows beings having all that’s missing with them induce in them with the feeling of being jealous (sadness with negative approach). Educated and mature minded people try to overcome this feelings by putting efforts to excel in an area compatible with their potentials to catch due attention of public, that’s helpful for them to stop others to hurt them. The response of people is not always the same. Poorly educated people with having immaturity and shortcomings in upbringing mainly for being emotionally insecurity tend to react negatively. There is a difference between being un joyful and being jealous and every individual is best judge of their status of mind and feelings. But unfortunately our social system usually do not let most of the individuals to acquire needed maturity to handle the situations and analyze people’s responses independently to build an opinion and hence unjoyfulness is usually confused by having the feeling of jealousy. However if an individual with having sensible mindset though does not need be highly educated in the given situation could easily be able to differentiate between the two responses but unfortunately we all tend to value others opinions more than our own conclusions and are often mislead ending up putting ourselves and people related to us in severe problem.
Usually women are known to acquire the feeling of jealousy first. To some extent this is very true as when they are born they find their brothers are given more importance whereas brothers are offered better opportunities for getting themselves educated. If they look different than the set criteria of being beautiful they find their sisters enjoy more social privilege over them. In case if parents nurtured them emotionally well and raise them with open mindedness, these women would prefer to explore the opportunities on basis of their capabilities to be well placed in the society. Others end up in having negative emotions and put their efforts to destroy those in their opinion have been the cause of their loss and for poor being. No one is born jealous nor have evil intentions by birth. In most of the cases specially those who are educated but not matured enough, its their fellow beings who by giving ill advice put them in a condition where they fail to differentiate between for being jealous or unjoyfulness and end up losing the Blessings of their lives merely because of relying on their own fellow-beings supported illusions about others, particularly a few individuals, from whom they feel threatened, are jealous of them
The sensitive point of our society for women is beauty age and domestic skills whereas education and salary are for man. Interestingly we are among those few nations on globe where people attain higher education at University and above levels to be well placed in the society and to get married in a good family whereas better earning is being secondarily focused e.g. over here people generally marry with qualifications rather than individuals. According to our criteria a woman who is PhD should married a PhD, having lesser qualification could pronounce her unfortunate as per criteria of our society no matter in case even if she wants to get married with someone she loves but lacking the expected qualification. Similarly society expects her to loss the feeling of affection and love if her beloved gets married and force her to choose someone else to marry. This is weird approach and consequences are often horrible. Outcome of such situation can be terrifying if the woman is also popular among all for whatsoever reasons as most of the single and married guys in her social circle in rare cases brother in laws as well start assuming that she might be interested in them and probably for this reason she did not marry with anyone. Since in our society there is tendency to believe blindly on assumptions without giving any second thought while sharing it to all in public as well. To own more authority on lives of other individuals associated with their wives Gents make their wives feel insecure by claiming that women are chasing them particularly indicating all those women who are prominent but still unmarried whereas people start gossiping about them in public even in the presence of these ladies without having a sensitivity how uncomfortable they would feel being in love for a man whereas proclaimed to be associated with others even without knowing the concerned individuals perception on this issue.
I would not deny that in certain cases this assumption comes true specially for the ladies who have been deprive of attention and care since their childhood or those who have some sort of inferiority complex.
However those women who look for social and financial standing to get married can also look around to find a spouse in their fellow circle, often in response of social pressure to settle down otherwise people start raising question on their character womenhood and health issues. As their age increases women who are NOT married gradually become more unacceptable for the society even their close families circles whereas with men the difference is generally due to the fact that over the period of time their financial stability increases as well as in most of cases with having the realization that their wives appreciate their wealth and social standing more than their companionship they let other women approaching them to freely interact and enjoy the time passed together even in case if they do not go for any serious relationship. The consequence of lacking the feeling of fulfillment in many married women’s life though do not allow them to have open relationship with other men under prevailing norms of society adapted in the middle class particularly among families having average or below average income leaving their children and domestic matters unattended but invest most of the time in shopping and beautifying themselves so that they can catch the attention of others and their husbands may get a feel of insecurity so that they remain associated with wives at least socially. The women who disapprove these practices of society either want to get married with the men they love or prefer to live as single or others who want to get married for sake of qualities of man rather their social status and financial standing are considered as abnormal.
On passing through consequence of the filthy norms of society instead of resolving their problems with the concerned individuals most of the families approach black magic practitioners, Maulvi’s many of them are pseudo- scholars psychiatrist or psychologist several with them having unresolved issues in their lives and hence are not much of help because of lacking the due involvement than prescribing medicines without realizing that taking medicine cannot resolve the conflicts within the approach of life effecting the personality nor can make individuals more mature and sensible to resolve problems independently. In certain cases they can document their patients mentally unfit often to serve some individual’s interest e.g. money or other joint objective even in the case when they are not authorized to do it. Since Pakistan does not have any well-defined regulations on this issue whereas legal frame work has easy escape such experts are never questioned for their non-professionalism and dishonesty. Fake Maulvi and Black Practitioners are usually well connected and disclose the details about their customers that are not known to others to establish blind belief on their power to control others lives. Once the trust is built upon they start making money by making false claims about the people from whom the affected family is threatened whereas in certain situation they charge from other party that can be their rivals to mislead them to achieve the set target or to set a conspiracy, whoever pays more usually served better.
For all the social problems in our society that exist because of contrast between our expectations and ideology whereas no one is ready to own the relationship seriously invest emotionally to strengthen it while compromising on professional and financial growth, in simply words, not ready to do any type of sacrifice whereas expects everyone else to sacrifice whatsoever needed and a return they usually offer blames for shortcoming. In most of the cases women make men to opt for doing corruption to bring illegal money at home an attempt to keep the family happiness and compete socially with fellow beings. On the other hand, it’s the Man who is responsible to keep balance in relations while investing emotionally in relationship along with offering respect for rights towards fellow being justifiably, if needed they can practice their right to have up-to four wives at a time helpful to all to spend happy and self content lives that is far better having several girls friends cheating them all, their focus of live is someone else or in worse situation end up both men and women start taking drugs, get engaged in illegal activities and in extreme situation can attempt to suicide.
Nothing can be more self-damaging than greed and jealousy, on other hand being self-contented, patient, tolerant while keeping a justified balance in relations treating them separate from relationships with giving reasonable and sensible sacrifices save all from most of the miseries. It will turn into Blessing for ALL if we people learn to mind our own business, rather than poking our nose in other’s affairs and give our input to our own family members for resolving their issues, helping them to spend happy and healthy life rather than highlighting other’s problems and shortcomings to discuss and gossip about them in gatherings. The outcome for wasting time on gossiping about others appears as our unduly attended dependents and close associates turn out as BIG MISERIES of our Life. According to Islamic Ideology, the Holy Process of Preaching is prioritized next to PRIME OBLIGATION/Duty to Take Care and to provide Modest and Kind Custody to Family Members particularly to Dependents while giving them FREEDOM to exercise their Rights INDEPENDENTLY but preferably INTERDEPENDENTLY, hence giving the provision to sustain Healthy Family Relations within the society. Well in English Wise People say Charity starts at Home and PREACH by Practice but never take anyone for GRANTED.
The writer is associated with the Profession of Teaching and Research with having inclination towards exploring the Features of Nature while enjoying Food with Families and Friends. She is Assistant Professor at Department of Food Science and Technology in University of Karachi, Pakistan.