The woman in whose lap a person first opens their eyes is, strangely enough, the very woman who must spend her whole life proving that her existence matters.
We call her mother, and she reminds us of paradise; daughter, and she is a blessing; sister, and she is our honour; wife, and she is a partner for life. Yet amid all these roles, we often forget that before anything else, a woman is a human being. She has her own thoughts, her own desires, her own dreams and sorrows she never shares with anyone.
We have written poems about a woman’s beauty, calling her eyes a lake, her face the moon and her tresses the night. But have we ever lingered in those eyes long enough to understand what lies behind them?
کچھ اور بھی ہے رازِ خد و خال سے پرے
عورت کو اس کے جسم سے آگے بھی دیکھیے
Perhaps the greatest injustice done to women is that we were captivated by their beauty but never tried to understand the person who lives within.
Have you ever imagined that when the universe first opened its eyes, and time shed its first tear in solitude, it was perhaps a woman who wiped it away with the edge of her veil?
In her lap philosophers were raised, to her lullabies warriors fell asleep, and by her hands were brought up the children who would go on to change the course of history.
A woman does not merely give birth to generations; she also teaches them their first lesson in life. As she raises a child, she is also shaping the age to come.
میرے اندر نمو پاتی ہیں آنے والی نسلیں بھی
خدا کی قدرتِ تخلیق کا مظہر عورت ہوں
But it is not right to confine a woman’s greatness to motherhood alone. Not every woman becomes a mother, but every woman deserves respect.
Whether she is a mother, a daughter, a sister or a wife, or is living her own life apart from these relationships, the basis of her dignity is her humanity.
I sometimes wonder why, even today, the birth of a daughter in some homes is not greeted with the same joy as the arrival of a son. There was a time when daughters were buried alive. Islam raised its voice against this cruelty, and the Holy Qur’an asked a question on behalf of those innocent girls that still forces us to reflect. In Surah At-Takwir, Allah the Almighty says:
وَإِذَا الْمَوْءُودَةُ سُئِلَتْ (٨) بِأَيِّ ذَنْبٍ قُتِلَتْ (٩)
“And when the girl buried alive is asked for what sin she was killed.”
Surah At-Takwir, verses 8–9 • English rendering of the Kanz-ul-Iman translation
Just think: a girl who was denied even the right to live in this world, and the Qur’an recalls the injustice done to her in the scene of the Day of Judgement. Yet even now, we sometimes console one another on the birth of a daughter, as though it were not a blessing that had come into the home but a calamity.
Times have changed and customs have changed, yet some attitudes have not moved an inch.
To understand a woman’s trust in love, imagine a blind traveller holding someone’s hand.
He does not know whether the path ahead is a road or a chasm. His only faith is in the person whose hand he holds.
In love, some women trust in just the same way.
They make room for someone in their lives, dream of a future with him and tie their happiness to his. Then, if that same person turns indifferent, the pain is not only of separation but of a shattered trust.
یہ بے برکت رفاقت دسترس کی دین ہے پیارے
تجھے حاصل ہوں، اب تیرے لیے بیکار عورت ہوں
How bitter a form of love it is: to be restless for a single glimpse of someone before you have them, and to take their presence for granted once you do.
A girl whose father called her the chief of his household, and who taught her brothers the ways of the world, sometimes finds herself after marriage in a home where she must wait for permission even for her smallest wishes.
Why did the man she married treat as his property the one her father had called his chief?
Marriage is a sacred bond of love, trust and mutual respect, in which husband and wife, mindful of each other’s rights, support one another for life.
This brings to mind an instruction from the Holy Qur’an. In Surah An-Nisa, Allah the Almighty says:
وَعَاشِرُوهُنَّ بِالْمَعْرُوفِ
“And treat them well.”
Surah An-Nisa, part of verse 19 • English rendering of the Kanz-ul-Iman translation
How few the words, and how vast their meaning. Treating someone well is not just a matter of food, clothing and shelter. It also means a gentle tone, regard for each other’s feelings and the grace to live together with respect.
The Messenger of Allah (peace be upon him) also stressed kindness towards women. Abu Hurayrah (may Allah be pleased with him) narrated that the Prophet (peace be upon him) said:
اسْتَوْصُوا بِالنِّسَاءِ
“Treat women well.”
Sahih al-Bukhari, Hadith 3331 • Relevant part of the hadith, English translation
After reading these words, we should also look at our own homes. Are we, in the name of love, erasing another person’s identity? Has our authority become a source of fear for them?
There can be disagreements, and even arguments, in love. But when respect is gone, much within a relationship breaks.
And infidelity? It is not confined to any one gender.
The decision to be unfaithful is made by one person, but the price is often paid by the other: sometimes with their sleep, sometimes with their peace of mind and sometimes with the courage to trust anyone again.
It is also true that not everyone who leaves a relationship is unfaithful. Some people leave not when love ends, but when respect does.
Love is not proved by holding someone back. Love is when a person chooses to stay of their own free will.
What has man not done for woman?
He drew silk from worms, made glass from sand, mined gold from the depths of the earth and dived into the seas in search of pearls. He built houses, planted gardens around them, made flowers bloom in those gardens and wove those flowers into her hair.
But when she sat among those very flowers and wept, we asked in surprise:
“Why are you crying?”
Perhaps because she had been given flowers, but no one to listen to her.
Perhaps because many praised her face, but no one understood her silence.
Sometimes a single flower makes her happy, and sometimes a single bitter word stays in her heart for years.
This is the tenderness of the human heart, which we mistake for a woman’s weakness.
We think a good home, fine clothes and the necessities of life are enough. But a woman is not made happy by material things alone. She needs love, she needs attention and she needs to be spoken to with respect.
Before you bring her flowers from all over the world, pull the thorns out of your tone.
In our society, far more is said about a woman’s honour than about her rights.
The family’s honour is placed in the daughter’s hands, while the family’s property is put in the sons’ names.
A daughter’s clothes, her voice, her comings and goings and her decisions are all watched. But when she speaks of her right to inherit, she is silenced with appeals to family ties.
What kind of justice is this?
Islam fixed a share of inheritance for women, made the mahr their right and gave weight to their consent in marriage. These rights are not a favour from anyone; they are recognised by Sharia.
Yet in our society, the reality is sometimes the exact opposite.
We ask whether a sacrificial animal is permissible, but when we take a sister’s share for ourselves, we never ask whether that is permissible.
Some men’s pride will not let them drink even a glass of water at their sister’s house, yet they feel no shame in devouring her lawful share. Our faith gave women a right, and we have at times presented that very right as a favour.
Nor is this contradiction limited to inheritance.
We demand respect for our own mothers, sisters and daughters, yet we do not extend the same respect to other people’s mothers, sisters and daughters. Some men stare at women when they are alone in the bazaar, but when they go out with a woman from their own family, they bristle at the gaze of others.
In other words, they find it hard to answer for their own gaze, yet they want others held to account at once.
Why should a woman’s honour depend on whose daughter or whose wife she is?
The respect we want for the women of our own homes is the right of every woman, even a stranger.
The true test of honour lies not in imposing restrictions on others, but in keeping one’s own conduct upright.
We hold up a woman’s patience with great pride.
A mother endures hardship for her children. A wife gives up her wishes to keep the home together. A daughter puts her dreams aside for her parents’ happiness.
But have you ever wondered why we praise her patience so much?
Could it be because her silence makes our lives easier?
Countless women spend the whole night troubled, then rise in the morning and go about the housework as usual. No one even knows how they got through the night. Sometimes they smile for the children; at other times they hide their worries for the sake of the family.
But not every silence is patience. Sometimes silence is what remains when the belief that anyone is listening has died.
We call a woman strong, but we forget that the strong get tired too.
She, too, may need a shoulder to lean on. She, too, may need to open her heart to someone and cry.
Before you salute a woman’s patience, stop the hand of the one who keeps testing it.
Yet it is also unfair to see a woman merely as a victim.
She is brave, dignified and hardworking. She can take on the world for her children, stand up for her rights and, when she must, start her life anew. It is wrong to mistake her gentleness for helplessness.
Perhaps the answer is different for every woman.
Some want love, some want peace, some want education, some want financial independence and some want the right to make their own decisions.
But one thing is common to all of them: respect.
We call women beautiful, write poems for them and call them the very image of compassion, love and faithfulness.
But what good are these compliments if, behind the beautiful words, her life is made difficult?
There is no need to make her a goddess. Just see her as a human being.
Listen to her. Value her opinion. When she makes a mistake, give her the chance to learn from it. Rejoice in her success.
And if one day she grows tired, do not tell her, “You are a woman; you should just put up with it.”
Simply ask her:
“Are you all right?”
Perhaps she has been waiting a very long time for someone to ask.
We compared women to flowers, yet crushed those very flowers with our own hands. We called her the honour of the home, yet kept her out of its decisions. We told stories of her faithfulness, yet forgot to be faithful to her.
And then we wonder why she is not happy.
Perhaps another book on the greatness of women will change nothing. Another speech in her favour will not be enough either.
Change will come when a daughter’s birth is truly celebrated, when a sister receives her share without having to ask, when a wife’s opinion is valued, when a mother’s loneliness in old age is noticed and when a woman who is a stranger is also seen as a human being.
There is no need to place a woman on a pedestal.
Just give her the place on this earth that is rightfully hers.
For a woman whose very existence gives the universe its colour should not be left with a colourless life of her own.
The views expressed in this article are those of the author and not necessarily those of The Lahore Times.
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